Shame on Me: I Thought You Were My Friend

Shame on Me.... I thought we were friends? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! Divorce----Ex's----Should we befriend them? I had been told he would always be my friend. I had believed that. If that is so then why do I now feel so differently? What did I do to change things? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing previously...nothing recently....no good reason to be ignored ....except for the fact that I am the ex wife. He changed...he made choices...someday he will know if they were the right choices....perhaps he already does know. Maybe it should be "shame on him" in the very end. There are no 12 steps to follow. I won't lead you in that direction. But I will tell you my story and let you make your own choices as to did I do the right thing or not along the way. This is my story and it needs to be heard. I have kept things quiet for way to long. It all started to end back in 1997. I suppose you could say it started ending way before that, but I could write that in a different book. I am a woman of strong faith & never gave up on our marriage. I fasted, I prayed, I was a submissive wife, I loved unconditionally , I forgave? I believe where is says in the Bible that God hates divorce?I hate divorce?but I also believe strongly that there is no room for abuse in any form in a marriage, especially a Christian marriage. And God also feels that way. When I decided to leave it was as if I had all of a sudden awakened & saw my life from a different perspective than I had prior. I would rather be alone & happy than live in a marriage without a partner. Being alone while living with someone is far more alone than actually living your life alone. So I left a marriage to a man I had been with since 1973. This was very hard for me to do, but I had Gods arms around me as I did this. I had moved into an unfurnished efficiency apartment, within 5 days of leaving I started dating my hubby again. I guess you could say that I was afraid to upset his world, so it was easier to just keep things as peaceful as I could. I never stopped loving my husband, to this day I will always love him, it is just that I grew in areas that he did not & over time I could say that I was not in love with him anymore. I did not leave him because I did not love him anymore , there was no one else in my life?I take pride in the fact I was a faithful wife. I left because of verbal abuse & hostility towards me and a strong feeling of not being loved. The first few years after I left were tough, working 3 jobs at one point to make ends meet. But all during this time I dated hubby. We shared every holiday of importance with our son. I was ready to move back after 2 and a half years of living on my own because I had thought he loved me. I believe he did ...... Keep your heart open to love. For the forgiving word of a loved one, the compassion , the zest in life. Always be open to receive these from others. Because when you close your heart to another when these are offered that is when you start to allow bitterness, unforgiving, rage and anger to get a foot in the door and begin building that wall that could keep you from the biggest blessing yet to come in your life. I am not perfect by no means, He is still working on me. Choices we all make them, some bad, some good. But we also have a choice in how we handle the choices we make. Allow your self room for failure because it is how we handle these situations we can then see growth in ourselves and begin to like ourselves. And perhaps maybe the only person you have to forgive is yourself for not forgiving yourself for making bad choices. A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO : Pat Casella, Sewickley, PA Artist .... Pat, Thank you for the wonderfully designed cover. You have captured what we were after so beautifully. God Bless you for your help!