Suicide as HSP with dissociation

I can understand that people commit suicide, for various reasons. As HSP, I had the feeling that my parents were unhappy and didn't really want to live. The presence of the mental disorders PTSD, (open and hidden) narcissism, codependency, gaslighting (cunning manipulation technique of hidden narcissism) and TPS in the dysfunctional family, in which I grew up gave me no joy in life. I don't pretend to be happy. I am as realistic as possible to be able to survive. Every day I make a conscious effort to keep seeing the small positive things in life. I don't want to get into a spiral of negative thoughts, because that is of no use. The freedom of choice to live or to commit suicide makes my life a little easier. As HSS, I let myself be guided by the little positive things I can discover.