Take Care of Him - Take Care of

I wanted to cradle his face in my hands, tell him over and over who I was and to beg for forgiveness for this entire mess. Instead, something happened. I saw him. My hands were opened and poised to cradle around his face, lovingly, and they froze just before. It's just that he came into view, like never before. Details of his face, his eyes, tiny little things, like the slight gray in his beard, the way his eyes were all accepting and like a veil hiding an inner war that no one notices unless you are this close. Unless you were allowed to be close enough to see. Like I was now. With my hands just there, so close I could feel the invisible around him and yet still not touching, wanting to cradle his face, and as all of these details flooded my senses, it was as though some internal gear in my head switched. Years traveled, inner wars against self, each one faced bravely and inner ego conquered, lives saved, light given, breaking moments that served to only produce even more light. Lips that had said too much and other times, not enough, when needed. Eyes that had witnessed too much and had memorized the beautiful, trying to reconstruct the ugliness of the world around with the beautiful remembered there. Remembered. The word hung in my head. Seeing Blu for the first time, as though for the first time, my mind became an empty house, with its arms opened wide in warm welcome, front and back doors opened in patient waiting for the home to be built. And, that single word was the only item brought in as of yet. Just hanging there, on the wall, above the mantel. Remembered. How do I get Blu to remember me?I touched my lips self-consciously while staring at the tiny details of his own. The lips that I knew, kissed me, gave healing, soothing words, and were silent but there and never leaving. With the fingers that I had touched my lips I ran across his, ever so lightly."I love you," I whispered. Tears were welling up in my eyes and his face blurred in my vision. His hands were on my waist and on my back and all I could think to do was to lean my forehead against his own. In my head I begged God, the universe, the angels, everything to help me get him to remember, to free us both from this insanity. With my forehead against his, I closed my eyes and the tears came."Remember me," I begged.