Traits of American Humour Volume 1

Publisher Marketing: If I live a thousand years, I shall never forget the day I was chosen representative. Isaac Longlegs ran himself out of a year's growth to bring me the news; for I staid away from town-meeting out of dignity, as the way is, being a candidate. At first I could not believe it; though when I spied Isaac coming round Slouch's corner, with his coat-tails flapping in the wind, and pulling straight ahead for our house, I felt certain that something was the matter, and my heart began to bump, bump so, under my jacket, that it was a wonder it didn't knock a button off. However, I put on a bold face, and when Isaac came bolting into the house, I pretended not to be thinking about it. "Lieutenant Turniptop!" says Isaac, "huh, huh, you've got the election!" "Got what?" says I, pretending to be surprised, in a coolish sort of a way. "Got the election," says he, "all hollow. You've got a majority of thirteen-a clear majority-clean, smack smooth, and no two words about it!" "Pooh!" says I, trying to keep cool; though at the same time I felt all over-I can't tell how-my skin didn't seem to fit me. "Pooh!" says I again; but the idea of going into public life, and being called Squire Turniptop, was almost too much for me. I seemed to feel as if I was standing on the tip top of the north pole, with my head above the clouds, the sun on one side, and the moon on the other. "Got the election?" says I; "a hem! hem! hem!" And so I tried to put on a proper dignity; but it was hard work. "Got a majority?" says I, once more. "As sure as a gun," says Isaac. "I heard it with my own ears." Squire Dobbs read it off to the whole meeting. "Tobias Turniptop has fifty-nine, and-is-chosen!" I thought I should have choked! six millions of glorious ideas seemed to be swelling up all at one time within me. I had just been reading Doctor Growler's sermon on the end of the world; but now I thought the world was only beginning. Contributor Bio:  Haliburton, Thomas Chandler Born in 1796 in Windsor, lawyer Thomas Chandler Haliburton, was one of the first Canadian authors. A longtime member of Parliment, some critics have regarded him as the last of the exponents of Tory principles and this book certainly asserts this notion.