The Shoshank Redemption

Welcome to my Queendom. It is nice for you to meet me. My story is not for the faint of heart. 'Tis a harrowing tale of sacrifice and deceit, of betrayal and entrapment, of battles fought and naps lost. Indeed, so, so many naps. Alas, the Dimwits have transcribed my tome in a manner most displeasing for the reader could not possibly grasp the extent to which my naps were interrupted. Such is the quandary of a benevolent Queen who must defend servants too simple to understand even the most basic commands in the face of their insolence, and, ultimately, their insurrection. Yet they keep the dining schedule timely and are attentive to my poopsies, so I shall suffer the fools. What I can no longer suffer is the Simpleton, a stunned skunk of a nuisance that burdens me not a little and disturbs my naps quite a lot. It stares at me even now, its lazy eye looking for a servant on which to depend, waiting for any chance to prove itself "a good boy." Useless. Queening is hard work, you see, and defending the castle is no easy task, especially when surrounded by imbeciles. One would hope that my benevolent rule could allow one to lie untroubled but 'tis not to be. That my humble opus could rank amongst the great literary tragedies of all time based solely on naps lost should provide insight to the depth of my deprivation. But this treachery is just the tip of the litter box of tortures I endured. But nay, whilst my limbs may be dainty, they are armed with swords sharp and swift. No matter the sheer number of naps delayed, both victory and, indeed, redemption would be mine. Thus, I invite you to visit the land of my Queendom, to know of my suffering, my leadership, and my compassionate reign that you may also learn how best to serve me, your Queen. But please, do keep it down, as it is time for my nappies. - Queen Shorty Shoshobeans