Fear Transformed

In his memoir, Roy examines the fear, humiliation and profound sense of inadequacy that haunted him for most of his life. It took 39 years to come to terms with his past and the effects that this bone-crushing fear had on every aspect of his personal, educational and professional life. In what can only be described as insightful and brutally honest, Roy exposes his struggle against despair, alcoholism, and suicidal thoughts and the remarkable spiritual awakening that set him free. The middle child of John and Jeanette Ballard, Roy's childhood could only be described as a boy's vain attempt to please a father who didn't like him and who abused him almost every day with humiliation and rejection. As Roy grew, this horror became physical as he experienced chronic bed wetting and other physical ailments. School was always difficult as his fear of his father's disapproval proved so powerful that Roy was unable to concentrate or study. His father's view of him became Roy's reality. Moving into adulthood, Roy found the comfort of alcohol that would grab him and twist him into a person that lied, cheated, and stole, seeking only gratification and relief from ever-present fear. But redemption would come when Roy hit the bottom of despair. Close to suicide, he found the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that put him into contact with people who had felt very much as he had. This memoir is more than a recovery story. It tells of a spiritual journey that has led Roy to inner peace and authenticity and joy.